Contradictions

In the beginning, there were “hello”s. Then, followed the many late-night conversations. Would you believe me if I tell you that I still replay those conversations inside my head like a broken tape. Or would you laugh and tell me I’m just being “sentimental” as usual?
That’s not me missing you.

I remember that day. Rain, crowds, cars, mud and umbrellas. The clouds were nervous in the dark sky and so was I. A movie and a shared popcorn. You let me eat the last of the popcorn.
That was not a date.

I lay down all my cards on the table and you, you had no intention of showing your cards to anyone. I slowly learned how to play the game by reading into your silences. But since the beginning, you always had the upper hand. I was the fool who did not know when to hold or fold while you were the master of the game who could play it with your eyes closed.
That was not me falling for you.

I never knew where I stood with you. That dance we were in. Always one step forward, two steps back. Then, the steps became so complicated that I couldn’t keep up. You weren’t there to catch me when I fell.
That was not my heart breaking.

I know now. We had never been on the same wavelength. I cared too much and you didn’t care enough. At least not enough to give me a reason to stay.
That was not me letting you go.