The Absence of Your Presence

Photo by Enrico Mantegazza on Unsplash

Dealing with the absence of your presence is like getting a paper cut. The wound is not large enough to warrant the use of a band-aid, like that one time I cut my finger accidentally with the kitchen knife. There is no substantial blood loss to show to other people as evidence of my pain. I might forget that it hurts for the most part of the day but whenever I wash my hands, it stings. I know I shouldn’t complain because it’s a small cut but sometimes, I have the urge to show it to someone just to hear them say, “Oh you poor thing!”. It may just be a tiny scratch on my skin but it still hurts and I need someone to acknowledge my pain.

The absence of your presence has thrown a surprise party for me with my character flaws as guests of honor. So here I am, hosting all these unwanted guests in my tiny apartment. Mr. Anxiety likes to whisper to himself and no one wants to sit with him. Ms. Emotional is always making a scene, throwing temper tantrums one minute and weeping uncontrollably the next. Ms. Insecurity and Mr. Jealousy are always in the corner gossiping and making up rumors. To be honest, my patience is wearing thin and I am thinking of kicking them out very soon.

The absence of your presence has left behind a you-shaped hole. I see it as a threat to my safety and well-being. So I warn my thoughts to be careful of the you-shaped hole and not to wander in the dark. I read books and watch movies to keep them occupied and make sure they don’t stray too far. Living with a you-shaped hole is not easy but I am trying my best to feel whole.

“Absence is a house so vast that inside you will pass through its walls
and hang pictures on the air.” - Pablo Neruda